Gifts Overdue
Gratitude is the one of the most intimate feelings in the world — something which we must feel towards entities that have rendered us capable of some achievement which we couldn’t have done alone. And yet, unfortunately, gratitude is the least celebrated, and often neglected sentiment. In a world with fleeting kindness and increased suffering, gestures of appreciation are needed more than ever. I really loved this week’s activity, as it allowed me to say my thank you-s to my family, with whom I often have trouble opening up.
I decided to write letters to my mother and my sisters because I think I often forget to thank them, maybe because they are always in my vicinity. We always miss those who are far away from us, but family is always around and often underappreciated. I also feel like I pay gratitude to all people who have made an impact on my life, in one way or another, but I am very shy when it comes to my family. I am not good with emotions and hence, I decided to do the tougher task of creating thank you letters so that I am able to do justice to their efforts that go unappreciated ever so often.
I wrote the first letter to my mother and well, it’s quite a story to tell. I was typing out the letter on my laptop and my sister was right beside me. I get very emotional when it comes to my family and hence, I started feeling heavy in my heart with each line that I wrote. I looked at my sister and told her that I do not like where this is going because well, I was at the brink of crying. My sister said go ahead, cry your heart out, it’s okay. With that, she plugged her earphones in and gave me space to cry. And so I shed a few more tears. A little more. Some more. And then my mother walked into the room and I rushed to the bathroom. I was all over the place, disappointed in my disability to contain my emotions.
While I was sobbing, my mother was outside reading the letter on my laptop!Noooo! That was not the plan!
Sigh.
My sister stood outside the door, asking me to come out and telling me it’s alright. I walked out and saw my mother who was sobbing while reading the letter. I went to her immediately and she kissed my cheek, caressing my arms while finishing the last part. Then she stood up and said, “Even if I had a hundred lives, I’d do it again for all of you.” She covered me in kisses while telling me that she is very proud of me, and I clasped onto her soft belly smiling through the tears. Aaaaa…Such an emotional roller-coaster.
So, there we were. Me cocooned in my mother’s warm embrace. Crying, obviously. And being happy that I chose to write the letter.
This was way too powerful an activity!
Later, me, my mom and my sister had biscuits with tea with red, puffy eyes and big, bright smiles. This little tea party at nights has been a ritual for months now.
I worked on the handwritten letter after an hour and gave it to her, receiving hugs and beautiful smiles in return.
She is keeping it in her diary.
Next, I wanted to say thank you to my sister because she has been my ultimate ride or die in the last year especially. We have not had the best relationship in the past but this past year was full of pleasant surprises and we healed and mended our broken bond. It is strange how a year ago I would have never thought I would be sharing so much with her AND writing her a letter to say thank you. We sure do have a lot of tendency to evolve, not only within ourselves but in spaces that we occupy, in our surroundings and in our relationships. I went for a fairy lights, firefly theme for her letter, and actually made two letters before coming to this final one which satisfied me. She is hard to impress!
I put the letter on her table. Waited for her to notice.
She saw it.
She read it.
She smiled.
Then she came to me, kissed my cheek and whispered something too cute to share :D
I love the aftertaste of giving compliments. It makes you feel like you did something too meaningful by being brave enough to say it out loud and by sticking around to share the happiness that it brought to the person. You feel belonged. You feel loved. And that too, by doing something that majorly concerns another person.
The third person I wanted to thank was my eldest sister who is married, has two children and lives in Bahawalpur. As the eldest one among four sisters, she had a lot of mommy duties towards her siblings and I think a part of her childhood was shadowed by the expectations that come with the role. I sent her a picture of the letter but she has been busy with Eid and everything so I couldn’t get her response. She is supposed to come stay with us for a week. I plan to hand it to her then.
We always say charity begins at home. But I think it’s time gratitude should begin at home too. Especially for someone like me, who is shy about emotions when it comes to expressing them in front of family, appreciation of the ones that live with me is something that I should do more often. It’s like a neglected duty, an unsaid responsibility and a self-understood service.
